On being “random”
and other cute misunderstandings
I’ve been thinking about this idea of being “random.”
Random encounters.
Random people.
Random connections.
It always makes me smile.
Because from the inside of my body, nothing ever feels random.
I don’t meet everyone the same way.
I don’t open the same doors for every voice that knocks. If I did, I’d be exhausted and naked in public parks by now.😜
I’m actually quite discerning.
Selective.
Snobby, even… but in a nervous-system way.
And I definitely don’t flirt, soften, tease, or reveal myself by default.
If I did, I’d be permanently overstimulated and deeply bored.
What actually happens is much simpler and much more precise.
My body knows.
It knows when to lean in.
It knows when to stay amused but distant.
It knows when humor is enough, and when sensuality wants to breathe.
It knows when curiosity is safe.
It knows when depth is welcome.
So when something is casually framed as nothing special, I don’t argue with it.
I simply notice the mismatch.
Because from my side, presence is never casual.
Because from my side, nothing about presence is accidental.
If I’m playful, it’s because something relaxed in me.
If I’m warm, it’s because my system said yes.
If I’m sensual, it’s because I’m enjoying myself not because I’m confused or reckless.
This isn’t naïveté.
This is discernment with a pulse.
I don’t trust everyone.
I trust my sensing.
I trust how my nervous system tracks coherence.
I trust how intuition speaks quietly before the mind starts narrating.
I trust that when I’m fully myself uncontracted, curious, alive it’s because I feel safe with myself first.
And here’s the part people often miss:
Depth doesn’t mean danger.
Openness doesn’t mean lack of boundaries.
Play doesn’t mean absence of intelligence.
Sometimes it simply means:
I’m present. I’m enjoying the exchange. I chose to be here.
Not because it was random.
But because it felt right.
Selective.
Attuned.
Pleasure-informed.
And if you recognize yourself in this, if you’ve ever been told you’re “too open,” “too confident,” or “too comfortable being yourself”…
Congratulations.
That’s not a flaw.
That’s a skill.
One your body learned long before your mind tried to explain it.
That song.